Filthy apartments, upset stomachs, crying in the cab when the driver tells me that my Chinese is good, buying the massage lotion that they use on my feet because it smells so good, getting crabby with my love Linda, drinking often and well, dinners too rich for my upset stomach, intense periods, cramming every event in my mind into a day that is too short, time slipping away, nostalgia, deep emotional feelings about everything, loving the blind man whose massage was the best I've ever had. In the last two days, I've had my first doses of second thoughts, I’ve had more coffee then ever, tried to stay up later then usual, practiced, climbed, soaked up connections, reminded myself how important those connections are and that I need to take back that commitment to recognizing the beauty of just sharing deep looking with more people in America, loving watching people chilling on the street on their crappy little beautiful wooden chairs-screaming at each other enthusiastically discussing fruit or history, or whatever the hell else that seems to inspire the intensity in their loud loud shanghai voices, wondering what the usa is going to be like, knowing leaving is going to be hell, soaking it all in, loving shanghai, loving this place more then I ever thought I would love her because I have made wonderful friends with amazing people. Amazing Americans, yes, amazing Americans, beautiful amazing, intelligent, wonderful Americans, insane warm beautiful Chinese people, some strange Germans with equally awesome beauty, gorgeous Italians, "Filipinos", yogis and financial analysts, drunk people and crazy people, delicious people, strange people- republicans, young people, old people ( even some in their 40s haha) ....mmmm Shanghai, I'm going through it now. I'm thinking about Joshua, and Orry, and my grandmother. I'm wondering what its going to be like to drive a car again, if I'll forget all the beautiful things that I've learned about here, and burrow into my miserable little hole like I did when I first arrived in Shanghai. Mmm...Connections, mmmm so beautiful. Giving it a try because you don’t know how its going to work out...letting go of the anxiety of controlling something to the point where I actually thought I could arrange things in some specific order, letting go, letting things be, feeling shit...mmm feeling shit so deeply, loving the beautiful way that things line up, letting go, letting go, letting go, straightening my hair like a Cher impersonator, moaning more, mmm mmm mmm ing more, just mmmm feeling shit, giving it a try, god just giving things a friggen try, mmm, los Angeles...what the hell am I doing, is this my life....is this really where I’m going? I'm so happy, so ballistically happy, so full of love...so incredibly packed full gorgeous wonderful feelings, even hurting feelings, just delicious, horrible soft gushing feelings, going to cry my ass off, going to love every second of it....worried, enthusiastic, restless, calm, mmm My emotions are so full...so full right now. I hadn't really considered all this stuff...suddenly...here it comes...the hugs, the mushing around, the gentle talks, the screaming, mmmm all of it...mmmm. Here is is...Here it is. Two weeks have passed since I came up with the brilliant idea that it was time for me to move to LA, to study yoga, or surf, climb a mountain, or ride a bike four and a half hours away to meet amazing people and study amazing things together, or steal Yvonne’s car...or whatever I'm thinking, to wear a bathing suit more often, to smile so wide in trader joes that I look like a lunatic rubbing my nose in all the delicious smells, to kiss old people and frighten them with my great big hellos, to make love to a drafting table, to get pissed at the bullshit, to cry that I miss china, to scream when I see Yvonne for the first time or maybe to say nothing for two solid weeks in a stupor from psyching myself out so much, to have nervous breakdowns, to stalk Hollywood, to glow, and love, and discover, things again and again and again. Two weeks of calm, of total calm have passed, two weeks of totally keeping it to myself because these feelings are so remarkably private and special that I couldn't even deal with it, I couldn't even find the words to express dealing with it, I wanted to fly away in an instant, no goodbyes, nothing, just escape the total intense sad amazingness of this situation, but now here I am, suddenly tonight, dinner with Matthew, gushing feelings, gushing wonderful feelings, and mmm just one margarita, and one beautiful massage from the beautiful blind man, sets me off...mmm wet sparkling eyes, a rock in my throat, goodbyes, with last moments together, again, I soak up each minute. Each crazy amazing minute in the universe and all the energy that shifts around and clogs up and blasts off, this place has shaped me forever...and ever...and ever. Mmm, How intense can life be?...How many tragedies and glorious wonderful realizations can someone experience?...how special, and wonderful and lucky is this life, mmm so beautiful...So in love right now...so friggen in love. Mmmmm Shanghai....mmmm
One afternoon last week I tried to use the phantom internet at Josh and Caroline's office.
Ryan, working really hard. Words words words, ming dynasty, words, washington, words, beer, words,...
James, and Jennifer. Solid.
We went to their new beautiful apartment to have a look around before heading to Vedas, to share a lot of wine, really great food, and a lot of good conversation. I'm gonna miss this guy. He's my friend from Teacher Training, who clearly rules. What a great person. His legs, tree trunks, have pedaled him a trillion and one miles, from New Zealand to Tibet. He's an amazing dude, with a solid kick ass relationship with his wife. Totally awesome people.
Jutta at Mesa for dinner.
Followed by a massage.
Body doubles. When she gets famous, I could impersonate her, or Cher, depending on my hairstyle. There is always, Liza Minelli, but I haven't heard much about Liza since I grew my hair out.
Which foot belongs to which girl?
Federica, and Dean. Hmmm? Friends of Ryan, at Face Bar..a really sweet "sparkly eyed" couple.
Brady Alexander-Christmas in a Glass
" You were there for 3 hours!!??"-Matt
Yes three hours, I would have left after an hour and a half, but Ryan isn't kidding about this. It's great. Each time we go it gets better and better. I don't have a clue if I am necessarily climbing any better, but my head feels better anyway.
There is a guy there named Marcos, who climbs like butter sliding down a hot lump of potatoes. I'm considering going sailing in Greece with him just because of his name.
One Margarita is all it takes sometimes.
As the weeks turn into days, I've been getting together with friends to say goodbye, and enjoy ourselves one last time. To say, I'll miss you, that I'm so glad that I got to know you...good luck, dont worry, all of that. It's sad that some of the other really special people who I have met here, namely CAROLINE and JOSH aren't in town to do this with too. I'm making the move at a really remarkable time, because lots of people are out of town, or heading out of town, so my last moments in Shanghai will probably be pretty quiet. It's a little, or a lot sad, but that's how it's supposed to be.
Get in the picture! Move to the Left. Move over! Come on!
Matt and I went for a massage after dinner, then cruised around Shanghai until our feet couldn't take us any further.
The Mountain Man, and the Valley Girl.
Caroline's
Caroline's Posh Entrance. Her apartment is still easily the msot beutiful one in Shanghai. I slept there last night because I couldn't get to bed on my own. The Ninjas...burgulars...butter knives...Sometimes my imagination is so out of control, and I feel afraid at night.
Luckily, I could turn to someone last night and crash there. I slept so, so well.
He's getting married to my step- sister next week. "You very handsome man."
I told him, that my allergies were acting up, so prepare, because it's going to start raining. Low and behold...the rain came. I attribute it to the shifting winds which pushes the dust in the city around, but Matt thinks I'm a wizard.
Curry. Coconut Milk. Pork Fat Pork Minestrone.
Check it out. Nokia.
The tastiest pre-made coffee...ever.
K, Gail, Melanie.
thats it
When will I find time to update this thing when I change jobs?
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